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Bartlesville, OK
Aug 19, 2023
By Bart Willbee

“Phillips 66 Self-Destructs From Inside, Bartlesville Adds Extra ‘6’ To Protest”

BARTLESVILLE, OK – In a shocking move that has locals up in arms, Phillips 66 announced plans this week to lay off nearly 100 long-time employees as part of a “workforce reduction.” Sources inside the formerly stable oil company say the layoffs are part of a plan to remove anyone with actual experience in order to make room for a new generation of out-of-touch executives and shareholders focused solely on quarterly profits.

“It’s really sad to see a company that was founded here and employed generations of families just turn its back on the community to appease some bean counters in Houston,” said one employee who was among those given their pink slip after 30 years of service. “All they care about now is the stock price and bonuses for the C-suite. The rest of us are just disposable cogs in the machine as far as they’re concerned.”

In response to the upheaval, Bartlesville city leaders took the bold step of adding an extra “6” to their famous “66” sign in the town square. “That extra 6 is a big ol’ middle finger to the folks at corporate who don’t seem to care about the people and history of this place,” said Mayor Bud Lightyear. “666 – that’s what it’s gonna say from now on. You don’t bite the hand that fed ya for over a century without hearing about it!”

When asked for comment, a Phillips 66 spokesperson brushed off the backlash, insisting the layoffs were necessary to “streamline operations and maximize shareholder value in this competitive market.” But around Bartlesville, few residents are buying it. As locals gear up for what’s sure to be an epic protest rally this Saturday, it seems this company town might finally be ready to move on from its corporate overlords after nearly a century under the Phillips banner.

About The Bartlesville Bee

The Bartlesville Bee is Bartlesville’s premier source of satire news. Committed to making Bartlesville the most entertained city in Oklahoma, the Bee stings the community with the most uproarious stories, sprinkled with humor, wit, and truth.

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Bart Willbee

Bart Willbee, a native of Bartlesville, Oklahoma, Editor-in-Chief of Bartlesville Bee, a satire website.

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