Bartlesville, OK
July 27, 2023
By Dandy Dousset
Pepe Beffefefe Strikes Again: Margarita Heist Unfolds at Washington County GOP
Washington County GOP, a beacon of political meetings and, quite peculiarly, biscuits and gravy scandals, is now bracing itself to dive headfirst into a sea of exorbitantly priced margaritas.
Our infamous anti-hero, the unshakeable Pepe Beffefefe, the former treasurer of the Washington County GOP, has once more seized the headlines. His previous shenanigans involved bamboozling the good, gravy-loving folks of a staggering $1800 for biscuits and gravy, a tale that has etched itself in local lore. Just when we thought we’d seen the last of Beffefefe’s culinary capers, he’s cooked up yet another sizzling scam.
Having mysteriously annihilated all traces of financial data when he vacated the treasurer role – a feat he pulled off using a secret recipe involving a gallon of BBQ sauce, a pygmy goat, and the County GOP’s outdated paper shredder – Pepe Beffefefe has emerged once again. And this time, he’s rolling out the margaritas.
By manipulating an obscure and suspiciously convenient clause in the GOP’s constitution, buried under a doodle of George Washington donning a cowboy hat, Beffefefe has managed to classify margaritas as a “constitutional requirement” for every GOP gathering.
“According to our Constitution, if the members are ‘feeling hot’ or ‘a tad parched,’ they have a right to a refreshing beverage. And what’s more invigorating than a margarita?” declared Beffefefe, conveniently sidestepping the fact that he himself penned the clause in crayon, using his least favorite ‘Finding Nemo’ sticker as a makeshift seal of authenticity.
The plot thickens: Beffefefe has bagged an exclusive contract to supply margaritas to all GOP meetings. Every. Single. One. The cost? A hefty $2000 per gathering. The real cost of the margaritas? Even a kindergartener running a lemonade stand would provide better value.
When questioned why he was the exclusive supplier, Beffefefe responded, “I have a cousin who knows a guy who’s married to a woman who once met the sister of the man who grows the world’s best limes in his backyard in Idaho. It’s all about quality, amigos.”
Despite the outrageous costs and dubious procurement procedures, the GOP members appear to be swallowing the margaritas along with their pride. “I mean, they’re decent margaritas,” confided one anonymous member. “But you need to guzzle them quickly before the taste of corruption kicks in.”
Meanwhile, the rest of Washington County watches with bemused incredulity, clutching their wallets tightly as Pepe Beffefefe’s epicurean exploitation saga unfolds. Stay tuned for his next venture. Word has it that Beffefefe has set his sights on the untapped GOP nacho market.
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