Bartlesville, OK
August 29, 2023
By Dandy Dousset
In a move that’s sure to redefine the very essence of “public service,” City Hall has decided to abandon its stodgy old office and set up shop at the local Farmer’s Market. Yes, you heard that right! City Manager Mike “Farm-to-Desk” Bailey couldn’t contain his excitement as he made the announcement, the work-life balance champ of the town.
“Starting Sept. 16, forget about the dreary halls of bureaucracy! We’re taking City Hall to the people, amidst the kale and artisanal goat cheese. We’ll be open from 9 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. on Saturdays only,” Bailey declared. “Because nothing says ‘accessible governance’ like forcing the public to choose between filing a permit and buying organic beets.”
Laura “Sustainability Guru” Sanders, the city’s Human Resources Director, added, “We’re not just stopping at relocating. Oh no, we’re also selling supplies! Need a pen and paper to fill out those forms? We’ve got you covered with our all-organic, hand-crafted, farm-to-table stationery. It’s governance with a touch of granola.”
Sanders elaborated, “We believe this move will not only retain our current employees—who were already spending their Saturdays at the Farmer’s Market anyway—but also attract a new kind of workforce. One that values the aroma of fresh basil over the mundanity of office life.”
So, citizens, prepare yourselves for a new era of civic engagement! City Hall is now just a stone’s throw away from your favorite organic apple cider stand. Just remember, we’re only open for a brisk two and a half hours on Saturdays. Because nothing says ‘we care’ like making it almost impossible for working people to reach us. But hey, at least you can get your organic pen and paper.
But hold onto your toilet paper, folks! The old City Hall building is getting a flush new purpose. “We’re converting the traditional City Hall into a city-operated public urinal service,” Bailey added, with a flush of pride. “For just $2 per potty time, you can experience the luxury of relieving yourself where city decisions were once made. It’s democracy in action, one flush at a time.”
About The Bartlesville Bee
The Bartlesville Bee is Bartlesville’s premier source of satire news. Committed to making Bartlesville the most entertained city in Oklahoma, the Bee stings the community with the most uproarious stories, sprinkled with humor, wit, and truth.
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