In an exhibition of wokeness that would make Lady Gaga blush, Councilman Loren Roszel of Bartlesville recently donned a stunning women’s ensemble complete with high heels to take a leisurely stroll through the city streets. Little did he know that his glowing fashion statement would start a cascade of events culminating in the dedication of a statue in his honor, striking a provocative pose in those very same CHANEL pumps.
Councilman Roszel’s walk on the wild side, clad in striking high heels, was cited as a groundbreaking act of gender exploration and fashion leadership by the Bartlesville Chamber. Thankfully, the new style of leadership is already paying dividends! Responding to the cultural shift in Bartlesville politics, several new woke businesses have already reached out (hat in hand) to the city with new retail development ideas!
The dedication ceremony for the statue was one to remember, attracting a crowd of tens of people, including esteemed city attorney Jess Kane, fellow council members, and even the mayor himself! They all gathered, clad in their finest fashion-forward attire, to pay tribute to Councilman Roszel’s bold choice of footwear.
With each daring step of Rosnel’s public exhibition, he fearlessly challenged societal norms, all while trying not to stumble on ODOT’s uneven pavement! It was a sight that left many in awe, or perhaps just scratching their heads.
The city council, also eager eager to capitalize on Councilman Roszel’s desperate efforts to a̶p̶p̶e̶a̶l̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶e̶m̶o̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ raise awareness, wasted no time in commissioning a statue to commemorate his courage.
The statue, positioned prominently in the heart of the city, captures a councilman frozen in a pose that will be honored for generations. Accentuating his figure, the heels serve as a symbol of his unwavering dedication to forging ahead in new frontiers.
Mayor Dale Copeland, a prominent supporter of Councilman Loren Roszel, took the podium with a twinkle in his eye that matched his mischievous grin. With the crowd still chuckling from Councilman Roszel’s memorable quote, the mayor cleared his throat and began his address.
“My fellow Blunderburgians,” he started, his voice resounding through the gathered crowd. “We stand here today, not just to commemorate a councilman’s iconic statement in footwear, but to celebrate a symbol of personal exploration, self-aggrandizement, and a challenge to societal norms.”
As he continued, the mayor made sure to interject his usual brand of cat-litter dry humor. “Councilman Roszel, my good man,” he said, pointing a finger in Roszel’s direction. “You’ve done something today that’s made Lady Gaga herself green with envy. In fact, I’m sure we’re going to see a spike in high heel sales across Blunderburg in the coming weeks! Maybe we can even afford to hire more city workers so we can pay the city manager to do even less than he already does!”
Copeland then paused for dramatic effect, looking each of his fellow council members in the eye. “And to that end,” he said, a knowing smile spreading across his face, “I’d like to extend my blessings to Councilman Roszel on his continued journey of self-discovery. May he find himself not just in high heels, but perhaps, in the nearest future, a stunning blonde wig too!”
A wave of laughter rolled through the crowd at Copeland’s quip. Roszel, for his part, took the jest in stride, responding with a wink at Jess Kane and a dramatic flip of an imaginary blonde wig. “I’ll keep that in mind, Mayor,” he responded, his voice carrying above the crowd’s laughter. “Just remember, the wig might end up being more popular than your infamous cowboy hat!”
The day ended with the lingering sound of laughter echoing off the statue of a high-heeled Councilman Roszel, a testament to progressivism, the breaking of asphalt c̶e̶i̶l̶i̶n̶g̶s̶ roads, and the humor that can be found even in the most desperate acts of self-promotion.
The dedication ceremony was a grand affair, attended by a colorful cadre of admirers. Basking in the applause, Councilman Roszel, still perched on his precarious stilettos, turned to the crowd and announced, “Remember, if you’re going to break barriers, it’s only fair you do it in high heels. It’s the highest form of compliment to gravity itself!”
His statement was met with laughter, some of it awkward, as the crowd considered the practicalities and physics of this profound new wisdom. The day closed with the memory of Councilman Roszel’s daring fashion statement, his provocative statue, and a quote that rightly belongs among the annals of Bartlesville greats from long ago.
