Bartlesville, OK
Aug 30, 2023
By Bart Willbee
Washington County Unveils New Political Movement: ROCPPRSCSRSWC+, A Friendly Gathering of Likeminded Asses
In a move that has left political analysts scratching their heads and googling for their childhood game rulebooks, a new political movement has emerged in Washington County: ROCPPRSCSRSWC+. This stands for Rock, Paper, Scissors, Water Closet+, and it’s as serious as a game of hopscotch during recess.
“We felt that the political landscape was missing something crucial: utter randomness,” said Queen Schippy. “Our motto is ‘A Madeup Past, An Unfathomable Tomorrow, and a Present That Makes Absolutely No Sense.”
The Advisory Council: A Game of Chance
The Advisory Council of ROCPPRSCSRSWC+ is unlike any other. Members are selected based on a high-stakes game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. “We had a five-way tie last week, so we had to bring in the Water Closet, which is our city’s new business at the former city hall, to make the final decision,” Queen Schippy explained, holding a plunger as a symbol of authority. (Read more here on the City Hall news)
Values? Who Cares About Values? We’ve Got Games!
When asked about the values that ROCPPRSCSRSWC+ aims to promote, Queen Schippy pulled out a colorful spinner and gave it a whirl. “Looks like today we’re promoting… ah, ‘mandatory nap times for all citizens, especially for our aging ex officio.’ Excellent!”
Voter Registration: The Ultimate Game
ROCPPRSCSRSWC+ is taking a unique approach to voter registration. “We’re setting up a booth at the Washington County Free Fair where people can play a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors against our mascot, ‘Wally the Water Closet.’ If they win, they get registered. If they lose, they have to wait until the next election cycle to try again,” said Queen Schippy.
The Launch Party: A Playdate for Democracy
The launch party for ROCPPRSCSRSWC+ is scheduled for next month, and it promises to be a spectacle. “We’ve got a bouncy castle, a clown who can make balloon animals of your favorite political figures, and a piñata shaped like the Constitution. Because nothing says ‘civic engagement’ like candy and chaos,” Queen Schippy added.
Future Plans: As Predictable as a Game of Duck, Duck, Goose
What does the future hold for this groundbreaking political movement? “Well, we’re planning to introduce legislation based on the outcome of a massive game of Musical Chairs. Last one standing gets to decide the tax policy for the next fiscal year,” said Queen Schippy.
For more information, you can visit the ROCPPRSCSRSWC+ Facebook page, which currently features a livestream of Queen Schippy playing Tic-Tac-Toe against herself. “It’s a tie! Looks like we’ll have to make all decisions through a game of ‘Eeny, meeny, miny, moe’ this week,” she declared.
So if you’re tired of the predictability and responsibility that comes with traditional politics, ROCPPRSCSRSWC+ might just be the party for you. Because who needs a well-thought-out platform when you can have a playground?
Queen Schippy is on her tippy-toes and giggling like a schoolgirl at a boy band concert! Why? Our keynote speaker, who’s been recycling the same speech since his high school prom (talk about commitment!), is about to rave about the legendary Pioneer People and Water Closets so spiffy they make Howdy Doody look like a wet blanket! 🚽🤠
Unveiling the Official Seal of ROCPPRSCSRSWC+: The Gathering of the Asses, Where Establishment Politics Morphs into a Playground of Unparalleled Absurdity.
